Mascara: The Betrayal Is Real

I have a dream. I am able to walk into any neighborhood drugstore and find my favorite mascara. It is volumizing without being clumpy, inexpensive, and black as my soul. No ordering online, no making the trek to the nearest Sephora. This, my Kittens, this is the stuff of dreams.

Lately, I have found one that may have made me wonder if I were awake. It is almost perfect.  Almost. Behold L’Oreal’s Lash Paradise.

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L’Oreal ‘Lash Paradise’

This is a story that goes beyond a simple review. I will take you on a tale of joy, disappointment, and finally, dare I say, hope?

The first time I tried this mascara I was amazed. The brush came out with plenty of product but without looking like it had been squeezed out of an oversized tube. That’s Catty-speak for “the spaces between the bristles were defined and not full of chunks of sticky-looking blackness”.  What a great sign! As I stroked the mascara on, the joy continued. Length? Yes. Volume? Absolutely. Smudges? None. Black as the my deepest vengeful thoughts? You have no friggin’ idea. Incredible. This showed the promise of a love affair for the ages.

How did things go wrong? It was strange and unexpected. As so often happens, trust was misplaced and I was let down. I was happy for a week or so. The honeymoon stage, one could say. But then I noticed a change. All mascara thickens in time, but this one was definitely clumpier after only 2 weeks. “Is it me?” I wondered. I hadn’t left it open, pumped the wand, or done anything else to let air in to do its damage. I know better! I was ready to throw my hands in the air and give up.

But I couldn’t. This relationship would not go down without a fight. It had been too special in the beginning for me to simply let it go. *sniff*

Enter my savior, Nina Westbury. Do you all follow @NinaWmakeup on Twitter. Well, you should. Don’t act all high and mighty like, “My relationship isn’t like yours, Catty. My relationship will never go stale, Catty. It’s love, Catty.” Yeah, well, you just wait until your mascara lets you down and walks out the door, and posts IG shots with the neighbor …

Okay, I’m back. I clearly have issues beyond makeup, BUT the ones to do with mascara are the ones Nina solved for me. She posted on Twitter how the best way to do your mascara is to:

a) pull out of tube once

b) do a minimum of 20 strokes on one eye

c) proceed to do the same process on the other eye.

I was dubious. Twenty strokes on one eye?! Would that not just leave it one big clump of lashes with so much product that blinking would be a workout? This seemed like a crazy idea, but with nothing to lose I embarked on a trial.

I WILL NEVER DOUBT NINA WESTBURY AGAIN!

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Look at my lashes! Don’t look at my eyebrows. I was so excited about the lashes that I took the photo before they were done. I said don’t look at the eyebrows! Kittens, you can be very unruly.

Back to the mascara. Instead of the twenty strokes piling on product, it really ended up brushing them out. It got rid of clumps and highlighted the individual lashes. I am so pleased! I believe in love again.

So, where does this leave my relationship? I don’t know. This kind of betrayal leaves scars. I’m not sure that I am ready to forgive, but armed with Nina’s advice, I think I can give it a try.

Until next time, MEOW!

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